Repercussions
by magnetosdaughter
Summary: Snape's POV through his 7 years at Hogwarts. The story of a crush that ends badly. My OTP, hope you like.


**Title**: Repercussions

**Disclaimer**: i don't own anything.

**Author's Notes**: The summary of my LilyxSeverus Fanmix. It focuses on their years at Hogwarts together, the story of a crush that turns to like and ends in heartbreak. Why is it that Harry falls into _Snape's Worst Memory_? Because Snape revisits it all the time...

xxx

**FIRST YEAR: SHE HAS EYES**

You are eleven years old. You're tall for your age so you slouch and you hide behind your greasy black hair. You've come to Hogwarts looking for an escape from your miserable life but you never learned how to make friends and you mostly found more misery. But you also found her. Lily Evans. You met her on the train and she made you feel something you don't understand. You wanted to be her friend but she turned out to be a muggle-born and a Gryffindor to boot. So you watch her and wish you were somebody else.

_I'm getting ready to lose...She has eyes that were made for crying_

**SECOND YEAR: LILY (MY ONE AND ONLY)**

You are twelve years old. The Slytherins put up with you but they don't like you. They only accept you because you're good at Potions. James Potter has decided to make you his personal joke. All you really have is Lily. You watch her whenever you can, whenever no one is looking. You wish you didn't care but Malfoy's laid it out - Mudboods have no business even being here. Sometimes she catches you watching.

_I watch her shadow move...I wonder if she could only see me?_

**THIRD YEAR: SMELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT**

You are thirteen years old. You're beginning to hate Hogwarts as much as the rest of your life. James, and often the rest of Gryffindor House, now poke fun at you nearly every day. Your own House is barely any better, Malfoy and his posse are focused on the war, they let you in if you help them with their homework. Narcissa is nice to you sometimes but she's already Malfoy's personal property. You continue to watch Lily from across rooms, in the dark you imagine her with you. She's become popular, even James has noticed her. You take solace in the fact she seems to hate him as much as you do.

_With the lights out it's less dangerous._

**FOURTH YEAR: TEAR YOU APART**

You are fourteen years old. Your hormones are out of control. You're sick of being laughed at and ignored - you don't even know which is worse. All you want is represented by Lily Evans and her bright green eyes. You notice that she watches you now, that she never laughs with James and his friends, instead her eyes flash. You can't stop thinking about her. You hate yourself for your weakness but you want her, want her up against a wall and naked. You become fixated until one night when you both stay over for break you encounter eachother in an empty classroom. Your bodies are way ahead of your minds.

_They took a step back, thought about it, what should they do? Cause there's always repercussions when you're dating in school._

**FIFTH YEAR: I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU**

You are fifteen years old. You see her all the time. During the day she's nothing to you but your nights are full with passion. But she wants more, she wants you to be braver, she wants you to be more like her. James makes your life a living hell and when he's not Malfoy is. It's time to choose sides, the lines have been drawn. It all comes to a head one bright sunny day. James draws you out in front of everyone and she comes to your aid. She's never interfered before, you have a tacit agreement to stay out of eachother's way in public. You are so full of rage you lash out at the only person who means anything to you and in that instant you lose her. You try to explain but she won't listen anymore, she tells you stop pretending, one way or another, be who you really are.

_I hate everything about you. Why do I love you?_

**SIXTH YEAR: OUTTA ME**

You are sixteen years old. You throw yourself into being a member of Malfoy's army, they accept you because you're the best in the year at potions - not counting the mudblood Gryffindor, of course. She barely speaks to you anymore. Out of spite, or so you imagine, she's started flirting with James Potter. You hate him more every day. You've always been interested in the Dark Arts, now they become your only obsession. You will become what you were meant to be. When you see her her eyes are full of hurt.

_It's about not wanting to miss you. It's about wanting you dead._

**SEVENTH YEAR: WITH THIS KNIFE**

You are seventeen years old. You spend most of your time planning for the war. You will be the most respected of the Dark Lord's followers. You will prove to James and Sirius and their lot, to Malfoy and Narcissa, and most of all to Lily you are no one to make fun of or overlook or shove aside. You will prove your mettle once and for all and no one will ever laugh at you again. She's openly dating your archenemy now and you realize she was playing with you. You hate her. You anticipate your initiation into the Death Eaters. You imagine the pain of the tattoo taking hold, you imagine it burning her memory away.

_With this knife I'll cut out the part of me, the part that cares for you._

**PENSIEVE: LOVE SONG**

You are alone. You spend part of nearly every day with her in your memory. You spend part of nearly every day regretting your actions. Her son looks just like his insufferable father and you let him know exactly how it makes you feel. But her eyes shine out at you. You don't let him know how that makes you feel. You keep everyone at arm's length as you have for most of your life. She is the only one you ever let close. You are back to seeing her in the dark. Sometimes you let yourself relive a happier memory but more often you watch yourself lose her with one misplaced word. That memory is always swimming toward the top.

_Whatever words I say I will always love you._


End file.
